One of the first things I tell people when they see me for anger management issues is that anger is an addiction. It’s a provocative statement that is meant to get peoples attention and judging from the expression on most people’s faces when I say that it works.
Our bodies have a set point of sorts in which we become used to our blood pressure, hormones, muscle tonus, posture, etc.. being at a certain level. Imagine that your primary mood state is depression. But all of a sudden something in your life changes – you meet someone special, get a raise, etc… and you start to feel pretty good. After a little bit your body starts to say, “hey where is that familiar feeling?” and all of a sudden you find yourself slipping back into depression.Perhaps you’ve experienced this yourself, when something happens to jolt you out of your usual way of being, but then over times somehow or another you end up back in the same place.
The same is true for people with anger management problems. Anger serves as a very powerful pick me up. You get this huge adrenaline rush.It can be a great way to blow off all the steam that you’ve been accumulating.I firmly believe that for many people develop a dependence on their anger management problems. They need it to cope with particular triggers just like an alcoholic needs a drink to cope with triggers.You need that shot of anger just like any other addictive substance.
Think I’m crazy?Conduct your own research project to see if your anger management problems are something that you are creating on your own.All you have to do is be aware of the stories you are telling yourself about things that happen to you for the next several days and see if it makes any difference in how you’re feeling.One of my favorites is to watch how I talk to myself about other people on the road. If someone does something “stupid” or I’m in a traffic jam I almost always find myself telling all sorts of stories that just cause my anger management problems to flare up.A good place to test this out is in the car. If I slow down and listen to myself, I inevitably end up talking about someone or something in such a way that I am going to get all fired up and have to use anger management techniques.
Experiment with this in different situations.Do you tell yourself stories that make you feel happy in some places and mad in others?Which are you better at – putting yourself in a good mood or an angry one?
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12 video lessons
